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January 28, 2011

Briar Patches

SUNSET BEHIND WOODS 10.28.10 ebt

OK, so as far as keeping up I'm not doing all that great, so it's a darn good thing there's no grade for this. These past ten days or so have been in a word... eventful. The Teen, continues to surprise and send new parenting hurtles our direction and while I am extremely proud to have such a smart daughter, there are those times that I wonder about my ability to guide her into adulthood safely... and without too many tortured growing sprains... lately, she is testing the entire family on our abilities to function cohesively... at times, with no one wishing to engage her in conversation as her teenage hormones may have flipped from slightly smiley to insta itchy irritable which spits and scratches. This move, the flurry of hormones of being 15, the need to develop new friendships and still determining her individual self must be overwhelming... it is for me lately...

Do you know what helps work out teenage angst? Especially for this mama? :) A little bit of earth work... bagging up leaves, bring the piles of foilage debris up for the burn piles... we will be having one nice bonfire this weekend! And after a few solid hours of forest clearing, we are all feeling a little better. There is a lot to be said for mother nature and her briar patches of life.

Add this to the wonderful news that a farmer neighbor has offered to come over early next week and disc the field so we can start preparing for the spring planting! So much to do, so little time! It's felt great! We'll be moving that old ratty camper shell and the tires that were tossed out there, what looks like a water heater and some other miscellaneous... umm trash :/ I'm so excited! I've been drawing up the calendar and rough map for where things will be planted, I'll start strapping together trellis' from some of the timber from our forest, there are many of the spring veggies that need to be on either a pole trellis or a vine.

Well, I should stop rambling on for now... as I admitted to someone earlier, I think tend to babble a bit...

January 19, 2011

Diggin' in...




Canon EOS Rebel XTi 01/19/2011 ebt
With encouragement, entertainment and proper catcat distraction provided by the mischievious Elphaba Jane, today the paints actually made it out... and to page...

Chili was prepped, into the crockpot by 11am, delicious by dinner, served with cornbread made in the cast iron pan, better the second try, recipe tweaked a bit... maybe I should learn to use measuring cups... maybe not ! I really like the toss it in and try it bit, plus, I've gotten a real good grasp of what a tsp/tbl and dash feel like in the palm of my hand... cooking this way can be very daring! (Just don't be surprised to sit down to something a bit spicier than you anticipated... or like tonight, I thought I needed a bit more salt, the consensus was no, but... I'd bet the left overs will be gone by weeks end.

So much accomplished today, felt great getting it done, feels better to be drawing the map as I go.....
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January 17, 2011

Blue Monday

Canon EOS Rebel XTi 11/25/2010 Kure Beach,NC ebt

I have a feeling my feet will hit the sand again soon... it was ...
a promise I made myself.
This, what ended up being a rainy day, and Blue Monday... won't get me down!

Didn't those folks in marketing realize that we crabby Cancer girls like our Monday moons?

I found encouragement today in the sentence "It's tempting to fall into a whole spiral of discouragement." I have been spending as much time as possible (which some times, is none...) looking and reading and thinking... I have more than a couple of things to learn, and one thing to re-learn... and the re-learning, the letting go, the opening up part had me stuck for a bit. How simple it is for me to be the caretaker of all but myself...

Our family made a major life decision five months ago and not only are we on an opposite coast, with our nearest family member 12 hours by car, 7 if the west coasters want to fly in for a spell.... Oh, and I quit my job.

My job of 14+ years, and my pretty steady employment status of well into its second decade... day in, day out I reported to a desk, somewhere, to do something, for someone. The previous 4 having worked with some of the most outstanding people, for a "boss" who made a difference. Yet, most everyday I would think about moving east... living on a farm, putting my hands into the earth, growing and preserving my own foods, sustainable living... painting, writing, being home when the kids arrived from school...

Well, now I have that... I see it daily and it quite frankly knocked me on my rather non-existent (read this as flat) ass. We have this lovely old4 acre (not huge, but huge to us) farm home, which needs repair, some of which I can do... land which I can certainly cultivate into more veggies than I've ever managed before... and I'm home daily to make hot breakfasts for everyone, pack school and work lunches, make yummy nutritious dinners ... if there is a school holiday or closure, I am home, we can do something together, as a family... it is ... unfamiliar.

I haven't been able to complete any tangible art, I've not been a fiery ball of motivation to build out the fences and turn the fields to plant... I've felt stuck, uninspired and then guilty for that exact thought ... I am surrounded by innate beauty... why stuck? I don't have any business being "stuck!"

I think ... ? I used my art, my garden, and my work too... as my safe haven, my escape... now I have, we, as a family created a change, and with that, I need to re-learn... how to be free in my own space, to adventure, to nurture, to feed, to learn, to grow and to appreciate what comes next.... and to just dig in.


Butterfingers


Canon EOS Rebel XTi 01/16/2011 ebt

Live in the Sunshine
Swim in the Sea
Drink the Wild Air
~R.W.E.~

January 13, 2011

January 12, 2011

timing, doing... wanting

Lately, nothing has been... "on time", most especially this week, with the Teen and Boy being out of school an unexpected three days with the "Great Ice Storm of 2011." Which, oddly enough to this girl, seemed like a poor excuse for no school, but what do I know of frozen pipes and frigid classrooms in North Carolina, I am... out of my norm, off schedule.

This coupled with my ever present left shoulder voice saying "Would you have REALLY done anything anyway???."

I want to.

I made the decision, to actively begin this journey and reach out again. It is taking a bigger effort than I want to admit. I am sitting here struggling with each sentence if I am to be honest, having written and re-written the previous paragraphs multiple times, only to scrap them down to ...

I want to. Simply. I want to.

January 10, 2011

Interruptions

So, I had a "plan" for today... and then the phone rang.

No more plan. Amazing how the day goes from one zip bang bam plan, into something completely different. Thank you Mother Nature for today's hurtle. I was tossed off track for a bit, but I did make a commitment today.... and I'm excited, truly, like a little kid with bits of candy littered about I sit here with magazines scattered cutting out bits and pieces; just soaking up some of the inspiration that I've misplaced since my arrival at our new home.

I'm going to attend a Soul Collage PlayShop that is being led by a Goddess who's blog I've been haunting for almost 2 years now. Another dear friend and major source of encouragement fed me her name and I've been well read ever since. Now I'm finding it's time to feed, not just read.

Since moving to NC, I've not put paint to canvas, pencil to pad or water to color... (with the minor exception of a few Christmas cards, which were, you can admit it, I'm a big girl... lacking)

My reserve is empty.... which, for me is boggling when I look around myself and I am surrounded by the most amazing sunrises nearly everyday... the trees are tall and have every possible color of green, highlighted this fall by the golden amber and brilliant orange leafs as they changed. We even discovered a creek in our bit of the forest! The possibilities here are endless... and even so, I'm struck with this deep sense that I'm lost.

My divination card this month, this wolf's moon is the Six of Cups and in the spirit of that, I have crayons and color books and a bit of childhood indulgence occurring... good thing tomorrow's a snow day too! :)

January 8, 2011

Day one

I keep putting it off.
Pulling the weed or weeds?

The hesitation is deeply set and heavy,
I am tiring and aching from the weight.
And unused to the frown that has joined the party.

Today I have decided to start pulling them
One by one or a handful at a time, I'm not sure just yet.

I am going forward with a determined nature, but...
still hesitant.

Fears, I'm thinking, are just like the weeds in the garden I am preparing... They need to be faced, pulled and properly disposed of.

I will prepare the gardening map... and start losing these hesitations and facing these fears.