May 27, 2011

Over .... done

So, I've been toiling about a bunch of it all... and days like today, when I THINK (bad idea sometimes) that I've got my favorite comfy, get down to business big girl panties on... it really smacks me hard when I realize, not only have they morphed into some 1980's G string that has gotten lost and is crawling the WRONG way searching for the exit... they are inside out to boot.

The past few days have taken me on a spin and I'm just trying not to pass out from the dizzy feeling. This feeling of overwhelmed is way over done. I'm taking a time out (if you couldn't already tell...)

I've been trying and trying to force the text onto these pages... but I can't even seem to find a photo I like enough... and in the Art Shed... it's worse (oh yes, my Emotional Evolution is not evolving... the Abstract Adventure led me down a dead end and I would like to take a trip with another of these amazing teachers, but ... cooked) (yes, my head is a bit low)

I've been trying and trying to catch up on the weeding in the and I think its a conspiracy, because now there are mushroom thingies in between the non-carrot looking thingies and the two rows I just so diligently plucked... are beginning to wimper in protest about enemies approaching. The brocolli has sprouted flowers (again?!) which means I'm desperately doing something wrong up there and there are so many bugs that I am darn near convinced I was wrong again, and this isn't MY garden, it's theirs. I went to a neighbor, whom I have not met to see how they are keeping things so free of weeds and the like... no one was home to speak with, but a cursury glance showed a lot of chemicals and a drip line.... Chemicals, I'm not a fan of... the drip line made a lightbulb appear, then again, I'm back to how to fix the well, which has no electricity, but HAD electricity at some point, yet there seems to be NO ONE who can tell us where that "switch" should be so we can get it tested/fixed (yada yada yada) ..... and the beat goes on....

One cat with a hazy eye, one with a thorn in his foot, refusing medical attention (and causing a fitful nights rest because he REFUSED to go into the barn at dinner time!! and ran into the forest to sleep /grrrr), and the one who likes to bite has at least two freshly burst absesses on his arthritic foot.... there are seven others... yes, I'm afraid to look closely. (not really, all others are healthy and seemingly happy, except Olive, who is the Teen's cat, and has an annoyed teenager's attitude... (this is her typical behavior, no worries there).)

"the" Boy who's baseball team is on a 'bye' week and he thinks this means that someone here needs to be the entertainment staff, yet when the Teen agrees to play catch... he doesn't want to anymore! (Can I just say.... this does NOT help keep hold of the waning patience, this mom is desperately clinging to) One of the many GOOD parts about the Boy which can't go untold: EOG's are complete and he is as smart as he thinks he is, (well as far as the books go! haha!!) Scored 99% in Science, and Level 3 Reading, Level 4 Math... all that to say, he will be in the Gifted program when he enters middle school next year!

I know people have it worse in life... but reality is (my reality), worlds are individual, specific and quite pertinant to how you go about your daily routine. I see the big picture and get up every day with big designs and goals with great purpose and intent.... you (me) can't do every.thing for whether that is dealing only with family, only with work, only with students, your boss... or only with YOU (me), or a combination of all of it.

I need help, I need workable solutions... and I need time outs.

What do you need?

May 20, 2011

Friday morning

sometimes... the words just don't seem to ...............


May 14, 2011

Brave parenting

So, here are a couple more photos of the ongoing Art Journal dividers for my becoming Brave project, I'm really enjoying this workshop and am super glad I chose Erin's class as my first class, it has been a nice jumping off point. I finished the front and back!! of these dividers and started the final divider which came to a screeching halt when I realized (which really was more like...notified by the Boy) that the ball-game was to begin in ohhh, say 40 minutes... 40 minutes normally is plenty of time to clean up and toss some war-paint to the face... except we (me) had a mini-meltdown when the Teen hadn't done the thing I ask her to do... again.

Life tends to get in the way of creativity a lot here with a teen in the house, and trying to reclaim the "me" while keep a semblance of order has been at times, exhausting. Mind you, I can remember many things about being a Teen myself, it was horrible. My mom was controlling, my dad always worked... I heard things like "wait til your father finds out!" and then, he would and more punishment (for the horrendous xyz crime) would be passed down. I remember (if you haven't heard this before) that I was "ALWAYSSSSS grounded.) So now, as a mom...I think back and wonder if my mom did this to me... if I am repeating patterns that I promised myself as a teen, I wouldn't.

Yes, I am in "her business" ... I ask her about school, I want to know... and I want more than "fine" and "I don't know" is not an answer. (My parents weren't big talkers... just big fans of the word "No".) If her friends want to go out, we want to know who they are, where she plans to go, when and what times... most of the time, we ask to meet parents and offensively, we always ask to meet who she is going out with. This is not for embarrassment factor, this is not for control factor... this is a safety issue and I will not apologize. There are far too many assholes and weirdo's in the world today to not ask these simple and basic questions. I am not here to be her friend, although I would like to be friendlier at times. We have told her that she teaches us how to parent her... she doesn't grasp this concept and attempting to explain it, only seems to frustrate her more. I am not going to apologize that Joe, Sally and TommyLee's parents do not care that they stay out until 1am, hang out with the kid that smokes "the pot", gets lousy grades and has no aspirations beyond level 112 in Halo (mind you, we don't own a single Halo game, so if there are no levels, oopsy daisies...blasphemous to some I know) I am not a prude, and I am not going to apologize if she and her friends tend to think I am, because I know how to say "No", frankly, I think more parents should. Would it be easier to put my head in the sand and ignore the fact that she clears chats when I walk up behind her on FB? Maybe??... but what is she hiding? Perhaps nothing... did YOU throw away perfectly innocent notes to your friends so your parents didn't find them? or did you throw away the notes that contained shit you didn't want them to know?.... RIIIIIGHT. Something's stinky in cheeseville.

I pick my battles, and I choose to battle for her, whether she like it or not... right now, I am her parent, not her friend... I can unhappily await the friend stage, while I navigate the keep her safe and into adulthood stage.

And all of this to say... I realized this while I was working in my studio this week, pushing the paints back and forth, clipping pictures and finding phrases, it's all about movement and finding the piece that fits... kinda like making dinner, rounding out the plate. The Teen, is finding her pieces, right now, she's attracted to all those easy to grab, it doesn't take a lot of work, but tastes and looks really good pieces... Our job as parents are to make sure they look good, taste good, but eat the vegetables too. Everything in moderation...

In my opinion.Link

May 11, 2011

becoming.... Brave.

The facts, as I have had to face them... is that I am... not so brave. I am at times, quite terrified and have found myself frozen... with doubt.

What if they don't grow?
What if it doesn't taste good?
What if I can't do it?
What if you don't like it?
What if ... the list is endless really and there I stand, frozen... "what if'd" in mere moments, nano-seconds...

And then, there is... What if ... they do? and it does? and I can and you do?

I'm gonna figure it out... and tonight with the help of *this* cool new person in my "people who teach me cool stuff" list.... I created the cover of my Becoming Brave art journal... I'll post more pages as they come, I took time today to start the 21Secrets I've been dying to start, yet procrastinating...??!!?? doing.

May 1, 2011

Beltane Blessings as it turns !

Tra la! It's May!
The lusty month of May!
That darling month when ev'ryone throws
Self-control away.
It's time to do
A wretched thing or two,
And try to make each precious day
One you'll always rue!
It's May! It's May!
The month of "yes you may,"
The time for ev'ry frivolous whim,
Proper or "im."
A blot in ev'ry way.
The birds and bees with all of their vast
Amorous past
Gaze at the human race aghast,
The lusty month of May.

May your fires burn brightly, so your path is easier to see and with an intensity that carries your passion throughout your journey... Namaste