Beginnings

The mornings are beautiful & my internal clock chimes with the chickens, often before the sunrise.

The wild flowers have began to blossom in earnest, 

And... beginnings of something completely new are afoot.

Over at Bella's Week One of the 52 Photo's project is open and these were a few of the shots taken this week that fit right in. 

Holes

I reach out, I journey, I'm on my knees, I'm in the dirt, I'm behind the lense or tapping the keys... and then I'm back in my hole. It feels fake, I feel dense and hard when I am used to being maleable and fluid... The women share, tell stories that are familiar, offer bits, ask for pieces & still I don't fit, I fight. When I don't fight, I flail. Finding myself feeling abandoned and lost and willful even. Torn, at times- condescending and angry other times emotionally attached, engaged, enthusiastic, motivated and thriving?? and fizzled ... angst, frustration...growling with I don't know what..a sort of primal guttural sound...  a need for WHAT?!!... while, I have been on some sort of roller-coaster hiatus for months now.




I feel like a spoiled child when there is such abundance and graciousness that surrounds me... and I sit ungrateful, floundering. I have anything I could need, everything I could want? (within reason) .... and here I am, each day... waking up with intention... it's a spiral descent and remarkably fast somedays ........... rabbit hole. I do not know where to go from here.