back to basics she says...
It has been a while since I've practiced what I've preached... or perhaps it's been a while since I've preached at all so to say... at least talking in the solitary sense. It has taken nearly a year of intermittent bites and furrowed browed crankiness to admit that I've gone off and done it again.... that damn codependent self-addiction thing. And leave it to the task mistress herself to take the reigns and smack me upside my head... and my arm (both), feet, legs... even my ass a couple of times. Yes, the physical bite has finally awakened the part of me that said "DAMN IT!!! You've done it again and now, you've gone off and got yerself a lesson to re-learn..."
So, out came one of my
favorite books and as I re-read the passage on Spider and it resonated within me that yes, this is why I keep finding myself clawing at a new bite night after night... walking through web morning after morning, finding new friends in my space that was **just** dusted, wondering how I ended up with webs in my hair when I hadn't even gone outside??!!, and last night... I walked through the web on the way to the barn, the baby spider bit my wrist.... I removed her, her floating web floated on to attack a nearby tree.... and it occurred to me.... hmmm. OK, I'm ready to know now.
The end of the passage asks some questions and I was able to honestly answer in a way that left me knowing that spider has been here trying to remind me to focus, not scatter my thoughts in all the directions, to use my creative opportunities without fear, and use the strength around me with those opportunities to weave my own dreams and imaginings into realities....perhaps now that I am recognizing this, we can work in harmony together....spider and I.
I am sitting
here, in a place where I will continue learning to be fearless with a group of courageous, wild women, and together, we will nourish our evolving souls for the next five weeks. I will re-fill the drought that I create when don't stick to a schedule that includes "me" time. I will try again to be the good student that this lovely Spider is painfully insistent upon reminding me I can be.
Learning to remember balance....
