Not one whimper.... really.

Ever had one of those times (I have many) where you have no idea what you're doing... where you're going... or why anything at all is (or isn't) happening.

I've been completely dissatisfied with everything lately. So much so that, I have found not one photo I want to blog, one piece of writing I want to post, one whine I want to whimper.

I am for the sake of getting back to blogging... posting this piece of crap vomit in my mouth a bit blurb. Simply "For the need of writing and putting it out there..."

I am doing the ...how did that phrase go, it's in a journal someplace somewhere, I wrote it down... damn... well anyway, it went something along the lines of..."writing sucks" and... "90% of being creative is sitting your ass in a chair and just doing it" ... or some such thing like that. Reality is. I'm neither being diligent in my writing or creative in my world. I am, and have been in a creative vacuum.  I'm a freaking void. I can't tell you what my best friend is doing... do I have a best friend? (I would apologize for that, but my dog can't read, and I don't feel very friendly... I did just pat Bella on the bum and tell her I loved her tho... Bella *is* my greatest dog ever)

Here goes:

Aminal update .. We have six new chicks who are delightfully doing what baby chicks do (make poo) and cheap super sweet songs to make me smile ... the dogs are feeling out done by this and have moved their dig site to beneath the stairs in attempt to become ankle breakers and not only intricate canal designers/vole hunters.... Superstar Goat's Charley and Joe have determined they should only dine upon the blueberries bushes when out and about in the yard (which does not bode well with the new growth on the berries!) Retreating only for honey-nut cheerio's; go-figure.  As for the kitten-cats, one would assume that they would turn the barn into a ClubMed of sorts, enjoying the comforts and spoils that came with repurposed blankets and a newly designed spacious bedding system... Alas, not.  Our trusty adventurers have split nails, abscessed pads and who knows what got stuck in that tail?! The menagerie want attention all there own, even if it must start on the negative. Tis all good and fine though, we heal, we pet, we love it all... and in return, we are rubbed against, purred too, kneaded, and slept upon.  It is love in its purest form.

There is a laundry list of "to-do's" which isn't difficult... just never-ending, barn repair, coop building, any one up for replacing the water heater?, do we have an electrician in the house??, an extra field hand would be beneficial and I can't tell you the last time someone mopped the floor, but if you're around and wanna tackle that chore, I can promise good eats for ya when you're done!

I have been writing in my journals, rather than journalling online... I have been dabbling in my art, rather than investing in the art workshops I've invested in, I took some "time-off" from being on-line and I can't decide whether that was good or not... or if I'm done with being "off" or not... I'm rather irritated with almost everything I see, dissatisfied, perhaps that's a better word? Hibernation was the term I was using around the house. I thought I would come out of it with the comings of Spring... but I can see Spring, she is near... and I can't feel myself wanting to blossom or perhaps I don't feel like I've planted my seeds... and technically, I haven't planted a damn thing. Well, save the few herbs and a bundle of onions. ... I don't really count the perennials.

On a soul-level... my field is barren. OK, guess that's it for now. Peace out for today. Hopefully it won't be two months between posts again.... I need to get my ass in gear. Someone have a boot?

A day in the life...

theBoy... and the way we groove

Ash from the 5-18, 1980 Mt.St. Helen eruption, still makin' the classroom rounds, thanks Aunt Marti!

Rain and driving = Happy me

North Carolina sunscapes from the front yard

This morning I woke up with a thing. One of those I can't quite remember what it was ????!! .... things. Do you know what I mean. It was kind of following me around all morning. Teasing me with a pinch here or there, distracting me from things I should be doing... but then, I've been fairly distracted for weeks.
  (Prepare for a very long run-on sentence :) I love these...)
I can't keep track of things, I make lists that are never completed... the making of them, not the doing you see..., I've lost several items of random importance, ie: the back to my cell phone (why was it off?!)... only to be found days after the replacement was paid for and received in the post a week later..., the very best way (sing it with me) EVVAAAH to torture a teenager in the world... my coupon binder... I'm devastated, as much of a love/hate relationship as I have with that thing, it's a lot of work to keep up, but totally worth it at the check-out, GONE... *poof* cannot find this thing anywhereeee,  these are only small highlights from the previous few weeks and don't include the typical lost keys, wallet, glasses, you get the idea....


So this thing, this morning was just a shrug sort of. An up and down simple shoulder shrug statement of what the effff. :/

♥ Cancer Moon for Me ♥

Cancer Moon - Canon EOS Digital Rebel XTI 

"This Full Moon is a time of acceptance, a time to stand before the mirror and see everything about ourselves, within and without knowing that it is all who we are. It all has a place. It all has its role. It's not for us to judge which bits should be there and which shouldn't. Everything is here for a reason. Only then can we recognize the beautiful poetry that lies within the apparently random nature of our hearts and minds. To do this under the light of the Full Moon, is to receive the deepest blessings from the heart of the Great Mother. So, embrace and enjoy....."  Sarah Varcas wrote this and you can read this Cancer Moon article in its entirety, and other astrological wonderments from her well organized website find her here, on FaceBook too!

Having lived these last forty plus years learning to come out of my hardened crab shell, allowing the tender parts of me to flow forth (and good goddess knows, I can FLOW FORTH with the best of them...  with tears sometimes refusing to stop regardless of the threats I try to enforce upon them...) I gave in sometime ago, I just let them roll, because they, like the pull of the moon, know what it is that needs to be washed out, let go and once it's done... well I am lighter, balanced, free-minded and able to focus on what it is that will benefit *me*, my family, the situation at hand... the future we're facing and the space in between. This isn't to say that when the current ebbs it doesn't result in another free flowing round of face wash... because when Lady Cancer ebbs! OY! This California girl, with her southern drawl ebbs with the best of them!  What I'm trying to say, is that Mother Nature, Mother Earth, the Creator, Luna and the grand Sun I love to warm myself with, they tie so closely to all of us, and celebrating ourselves, and remembering to honor the place we are in is just as important to how our daily lives function. 

As I sit here, watching the rain flow down (we're anticipating another 3 days of rain, it began yesterday... felt like a perfect way to begin my Cancer moon phase,) I feel a grand welcome to the adventure I'm on, the forward movement I'm making. I put my registration to the SQUAM by the Sea into the post this morning... I *wish beyond wishes* that I could manage a visit to the New Hampshire fun, but I am living within the means given and setting realistic goals for myself (and household!) for some other things that are on my horizon! And I KNOW KNOW KNOW that I will get to see these lovely Goddess Beauties again!

Android Global @ OBX Serendipity Bliss 2011

And that just makes my wee little heart soar like you wouldn't believe... if only the tantalizing and sassy Kate Inglis would conjure herself into the midnight ocean would my trip be perfection before it began!

A quick catch up... and some MOVEMENT

It's been a few days, and busy ones to boot! I've joined the DDD group with full force, vim and vigor to put my baked goods into the oven and onto the shelf, and I'm integrating a few other wildly forceful challenges into this for ME too... like joining Tamara Laporte at her band of wildly talented artists who've joined her LIFEBOOK 2012 Class at Willowing Arts for a yearlong journey of self healing and massive artistry knowledge and all sorts of wild fun! Registration is still open, so if you haven't you should!

I also am keeping the commitment to myself to move outside my house every.single.day. Even if this means, sneaking from the front of the house, edging slowly through the hedges around the northern edge and then escaping into the woods (that's what the great dark forestry is there for right!?!) so the prying eyes of others cannot see. I did find a bit of courage on a morning this week and snapped a few shots of Joe & Charley while they scratch their heads against the myrtle trees or eat bamboo theBoy and his friend Noah had brought up while clearing a path a week ago. It was a brief trek to the southern side, but hopefully went unnoticed, as I did my utmost to be undetected and swift... I felt a bit spy like :) I don't like feeling of being trapped, whether that is physical or mental, it is a rather heavy and unnecessary burden that over Winter Solstice I set to burn free with quite a bit of other fears, frustrations and false obligations.

Weight is the thing women carry in (or on) various parts of their bodies... it should NOT be what we carry in our hearts or souls. I've been watching the words my fellow Goddesses' have been choosing to celebrate for their new year, Freedom, Story, Bravery, Boldness, Release, Abundance... oh the list is long and varied and **inspiring**. I've tossed and turned my mind backwards and forwards... then it occurred... forward! FORWARD!! Yes... movement... MOVEMENT.... that's it... Loosing Hesitations is about movement. My word for 2012.... MOVEMENT. There ya go folks... I'm off to bake some goodies, take some snaps, make some price-lists and then *poof* MOVE them to the coffee counter and then... maybe... to an etsy store near you .... weeeeeehoo

Oh... and with a bit of shake and shimmy I'll be paintin' faces and art journalling along the way, keeping my SouLodge ladies company with a more vocal presence for the first time in two seasons, because I think maybe I've been behaving more like a mouse than I should have... and it's time to stop that, I have things to offer, THEY have things to offer me and it's a beneficial circle for everyone who participates :) MOVEMENT towards participation!!