Canon EOS Rebel XTi 11/25/2010 Kure Beach,NC ebtI have a feeling my feet will hit the sand again soon... it was ...
a promise I made myself.
This, what ended up being a rainy day, and Blue Monday... won't get me down!
Didn't those folks in marketing realize that we crabby Cancer girls like our Monday moons?
I found encouragement today in the sentence "It's tempting to fall into a whole spiral of discouragement." I have been spending as much time as possible (which some times, is none...) looking and reading and thinking... I have more than a couple of things to learn, and one thing to re-learn... and the re-learning, the letting go, the opening up part had me stuck for a bit. How simple it is for me to be the caretaker of all but myself...
Our family made a major life decision five months ago and not only are we on an opposite coast, with our nearest family member 12 hours by car, 7 if the west coasters want to fly in for a spell.... Oh, and I quit my job.
My job of 14+ years, and my pretty steady employment status of well into its second decade... day in, day out I reported to a desk, somewhere, to do something, for someone. The previous 4 having worked with some of the most outstanding people, for a "boss" who made a difference. Yet, most everyday I would think about moving east... living on a farm, putting my hands into the earth, growing and preserving my own foods, sustainable living... painting, writing, being home when the kids arrived from school...
Well, now I have that... I see it daily and it quite frankly knocked me on my rather non-existent (read this as flat) ass. We have this lovely old4 acre (not huge, but huge to us) farm home, which needs repair, some of which I can do... land which I can certainly cultivate into more veggies than I've ever managed before... and I'm home daily to make hot breakfasts for everyone, pack school and work lunches, make yummy nutritious dinners ... if there is a school holiday or closure, I am home, we can do something together, as a family... it is ... unfamiliar.
I haven't been able to complete any tangible art, I've not been a fiery ball of motivation to build out the fences and turn the fields to plant... I've felt stuck, uninspired and then guilty for that exact thought ... I am surrounded by innate beauty... why stuck? I don't have any business being "stuck!"
I think ... ? I used my art, my garden, and my work too... as my safe haven, my escape... now I have, we, as a family created a change, and with that, I need to re-learn... how to be free in my own space, to adventure, to nurture, to feed, to learn, to grow and to appreciate what comes next.... and to just dig in.
Our family made a major life decision five months ago and not only are we on an opposite coast, with our nearest family member 12 hours by car, 7 if the west coasters want to fly in for a spell.... Oh, and I quit my job.
My job of 14+ years, and my pretty steady employment status of well into its second decade... day in, day out I reported to a desk, somewhere, to do something, for someone. The previous 4 having worked with some of the most outstanding people, for a "boss" who made a difference. Yet, most everyday I would think about moving east... living on a farm, putting my hands into the earth, growing and preserving my own foods, sustainable living... painting, writing, being home when the kids arrived from school...
Well, now I have that... I see it daily and it quite frankly knocked me on my rather non-existent (read this as flat) ass. We have this lovely old4 acre (not huge, but huge to us) farm home, which needs repair, some of which I can do... land which I can certainly cultivate into more veggies than I've ever managed before... and I'm home daily to make hot breakfasts for everyone, pack school and work lunches, make yummy nutritious dinners ... if there is a school holiday or closure, I am home, we can do something together, as a family... it is ... unfamiliar.
I haven't been able to complete any tangible art, I've not been a fiery ball of motivation to build out the fences and turn the fields to plant... I've felt stuck, uninspired and then guilty for that exact thought ... I am surrounded by innate beauty... why stuck? I don't have any business being "stuck!"
I think ... ? I used my art, my garden, and my work too... as my safe haven, my escape... now I have, we, as a family created a change, and with that, I need to re-learn... how to be free in my own space, to adventure, to nurture, to feed, to learn, to grow and to appreciate what comes next.... and to just dig in.
Loving you through it. Glad to see you're writing again....xoxoxo
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